Merry Christmas to You

For the last 29 minutes it has been Christmas here. I slept all last night and all of today (pretty much). I saw the derm doctor on the 23 and she gave me this pill for itching. It is the pill from hell! At five in the morning I tried to get up. I wanted to get up, but I couldn't and then I fell into a coma that lasted until almost 3 in the afternoon. Once I was up and mobile (I really had to pee!) I still felt like I was going to fall out. Needless to say that I haven't taken it this evening, but I'm starting to get tired which is just crazy given the amount of sleep that I've already had (17 hours!!!!). I know that I'll be woken by the kids in the morning so they can open gifts so I might try a nap (since I didn't take the hell pill I should be able to wake easily). I'm going to give it a few days and then try it again (while the hubby's home) because the day that I took it I had been up for a full day so that might have had something to do with it. It's an antihistamine so I can't see it's effects lasting much longer then 8 hours, but I guess I'll find out. I'm afraid.
All the gifts are wrapped and I'm kind of annoyed at my hubby because he got me something. I know... weird, but let me explain. I was under the impression that the car and the $200 worth of clothes that I got were my Christmas gift. I still don't know what he wants for Christmas (because he doesn't know..... actually it's some computer part that he's trying to win off of e-bay, but has had no luck), but I got him two things for under the tree. Nothing big because his computer parts are costing a pretty penny, but something to open. He went and spent $80 on me and now I feel like I didn't get him enough because I only spent $40 on his two gifts. He's an annoying ass.
I wish I could find that perfect gift. You know the one. Something that someone really wants, but it's such a cheap little thing that you don't think they would ever really want it but they wear it everywhere and love it until it falls apart. He got me such a gift a few weeks ago. We were at the airforce base and they had an Asian furniture sale. They also had Asian jewelry and such and I saw this bracelet made of Mahjong tiles for $8. I didn't have any cash and we were kind of in a money bind at the time (this was before we got the new car and all our money was going towards a rental) so I didn't want to take any out. While I was looking at some other things that they had (I believe me and my daughter were enthralled with the fans on display) he secretly bought it and then presented it to me once we got in the car. I don't know what it is about this bracelet that makes me so happy but it does and I wear it everyday (which it beats my wedding ring in that respect because I haven't worn that since my daughter was born.... it doesn't fit anymore). I don't even think the thing looks good on me, but I love it because it's unique. I get a lot of compliments on it all the time and people asking me where I got it.
I'm kind of afraid that hubby might have gotten that Mahjong set for me as a Christmas gift. I like Mahjong, but I don't know how to play it. I do know that you need four people to play it though and I don't know four people that would sit and play an eight hour game with me! It would be nice to have a Mahjong set but I would never use it. It would be more for show which is not a good enough reason for me to justify $80 being spent on it. I could go shake my gift and I might know (the tiles make a distinctive sound).
Still working on the head covering for my mom. It wasn't long enough and I'm wondering now if it's going to be too bulky under the chin. I have a backup if that turns out to be the case (a different pattern that she'll like just as well if not more). I did manage to wrestle her sock back from the sock gnome that stole it. He was sleeping in it, but I was able to offer up a fair trade with a lone silk blend sock that I had on hand. He seemed happy with the trade and I'm hoping he will refrain from stealing anymore socks in the future. I will send the pair off the day after Christmas (as long as the post office is open).

All I Want For Christmas is........

Well I haven't knitted since Thanksgiving and I'm still having the pains in my arms and chest. So it has nothing to do with knitting and I'm going to start knitting again and hope that I can get my Christmas gift to my mom done and out to her within a couple of days. I was right when I thought that knitting actually was helping the pain go away because it's hurt worse since I stopped (the shoulder pain) meaning it's probably more of an arthritis then tendonitis. Ah, well. I'm going to knit up the Ice Queen head cover for my mom as well as another pair of socks in the deliciously soft RYC Cashsoft 4 ply. I picked up some beads yesterday and found a tutorial on a much easier way to do a provisional CO. I'm all set. I just need to get back into the grove. I gave up on the Cobweb Lace Shawl. I wondered how much she would really use it and it also seemed that the lace was just too complex for my ADD brain. I'd always get to the same row and then I'd start messing it up and having to start over again (5 times total). I have enough of the yarn to make her a whole set including socks, mittens and the headcover. I would still have enough left over to make myself a pair of socks (and I think I will).
We got our new car. I'm so excited. It's my Christmas gift. I was able to get a Kia Spectra (which is what I wanted) and we got a pretty good deal on it. It's even a 2009 so it hasn't even been born yet (ha ha ha). We've already put 1000 miles on the baby, but I'm happier that I don't have to worry about the thing breaking down for a few years. DH is scheduled for another surgery after the beginning of the year. Not to fix his ACL, but to do another clean out. His body produces too much scar tissue and it's interfering with movement. Not to mention causes pain. The doctor doesn't think that another surgery will do any good, but wants to give it another try along with giving him steroids and the like to keep the inflammation down this time around and seeing if that makes a difference. Most likely he'll be going in front of the med board and they will kick him out of the navy with a nice little disability package. Not something we had really planned on but we're rolling with the punches and rewriting our plans.
I go see the dermatologist next week to see if she can give me something stronger for the psoriasis. It's taking over my body (probably the cause of the pains in my arms and chest as well). I have little kids asking me what happened to my arms and legs. They are covered in spots and I look like I had chickenpox. It's getting insane.... not to mention the itching.
Really I don't care as long as it's not on my face. I may look like a leaper, but at least my face is still pretty. Only I'm starting to get a small bit on my face so that's why I'm headed to the doctor.
I finished reading the Twilight series. Yes, I too got sucked into it (ha ha ha). I'm always game for a good vampire story. I actually had never heard of it until I saw a preview for the movie online (no previews on TV here for the movie at all existed). The look they share when he saves her from the van was so intense I knew that I had to know the story going on there. I always check to see if a movie was made from a book before I go see it so that I can read the real story before seeing the movie. When I found out there were four books in the series and I didn't want to put it down after the first few sentences, then I knew I had stuck library gold. So I bought all four books and read them within three days. Then I went and saw the movie and must say that it was all awesome. Since the end of Harry Potter I've been looking for the next good thing. Only bad thing is that I read to darn fast and find myself done with a book within the same days that I get it (if it's good). I also recently picked up The Road. They're making a movie of it. I had to stop reading it though because the story is heart wrenching. Stories like that are good, but depressing and I can only take so much of it at a time. I can't watch Bambi and I skip over the part in the Lion King where Mufasa dies.
Can't wait for Christmas. I got all my shopping done early and I got everything the kids wanted except for one thing that I couldn't find. Last two Christmases we've had to get whatever we thought the kids might like because either we didn't know what they wanted or there wasn't anything left. They were very specific this year. Our son is usually specific so he's not hard to buy for, but our daughter is more difficult. I had to pointedly ask her what she wanted. She asked for art supplies more then toys. She's also getting an iPod. Just a shuffle. If she can show me that she can keep care of that then she might get upgraded next year to one with video.

Waiting and waiting....... and waiting

Our cars are broken. It will cost more to fix them then they are worth. Right now we are renting a car and waiting to hear back to see if we got approved to buy a new car (if we're going to throw away $500 a month then it should be on something we get to keep). We've been waiting for more then a week for the car place and the bank to tell us whether or not we have been approved. I called the car place today and he said that he had heard something, but he's busy right now and could I wait thirty minutes for him to call me back. Sure, I've only been waiting and dying to know. Not to mention they are holding our money ransom until we find something out. We gave $300 as a down payment (to reserve the car) and if we don't get the loan we get that money back. If we do get the loan then we get to turn in the rental and get about the same amount back. We've been living on only $300 for the past two weeks and would like the rest of our money back NOW thank you very much. After thirty minutes I called back and he said to give him five more minutes because he was with a customer. Could you at least tell me yes or no!!!! I'll be really POed if we were declined because he could have taken the 5 seconds to let me know that so I could drive up there and get my money back (and no it's not a scam..... this is a military business that we're buying a car through so it works a little differently then a car dealership out in town and is the cheapest option we have for a car at this point..... we got a lot of rebates and saved a load of money then if we bought out in town). Okay it's been five minutes. Please call me back already!!!
Anyways, so of all the places that you could get pneumonia, do you think that Guam would be the most likely..... where it's 86 degrees everyday? No? Well we have our cold and flu season too and germs are not picky as to the temperature outside as long as they can take residence in your body (ie being cold does not give you a cold and catching a chill does not make you get sick). My dear son got pneumonia and spent the weekend in the hospital. He was so pitiful. His poor little four year old self sat still both times they gave him an IV (his first one fell out). He cried and asked if they were done yet. He's better now and more animated then ever (thanks to his steroid).
Okay. We were declined. You couldn't have told me that earlier!!!! And I'm even more pissed because now he's saying that it'll take a few days to get our money back because we paid cash because they don't keep money in the office. Next time I'll be careful and ask very detailed questions before giving money. He made it out like would only take a day or two to hear back on whether or not we were approved and then he could get us our money back almost immediately. No turkey for Thanksgiving. Thank you.... thank you all. I so want to cry right now. And on top of everything else I have tendonitis in both of my shoulders as well as a strained muscle in my chest (which provokes a stabbing pain when I move a certain way) and cubital tunnel syndrome.... all from knitting so I've been told I can't knit for a few months. I have a Christmas deadline people. Joy to the freakin' world!!!!!!!!!

Tears of Sadness and Joy

My Grandpa passed away on Sunday night 28th of September. Yesterday I didn't know how to feel. I felt blank and found myself staring into space thinking of absolutely nothing. I went through a few hours of crying without knowing what I was crying for at first. By the end of the day I was still sad, but felt peaceful. We all knew that he was going to die. He told us before I left and came to Guam that he only had a year to live. That was almost two years ago. He also said that he was okay about it because he never expected to live past 80 (I think he was 83 when he passed) and that he was ready. I was sad when he told us and I think I did most of my mourning then. There were times when I wanted to feel like it wasn't fair, but in my mind I knew he had lived past life expectancy, he had a long adventurous life, he was sick and in pain and he just wanted to be with Grandma. I'm happy for him because I know that he's no longer in pain and doesn't have to struggle for air. He was surrounded by those that loved him and he was able to pass at home, where he wanted to, instead of a hospital. He knew he was loved and I was able to tell him what I wanted to say. Every time I think of him I see him laughing and I think it's because he's made it there where Grandma was waiting for him and he's happy.
I love you always

Pos or Neg, Pros and Cons

Well on top of the psoriasis I may also have lupus. A sucky disease to have, to be sure, but it would be an answer to the question that I've had for a little over five years now. I've had headaches, fatigue, itchy skin, bruising, gastrointestinal problems, muscle and joint pains and just general feeling like I'm coming down with the flu, over and over and over again. I had the blood tests taken last Friday and I'm waiting until Wednesday after Labor Day to call if I haven't heard anything. I'm kind of hoping it comes back negative, but kind of hoping it comes back positive. I went in on Friday thinking that I had the flu or maybe strep because my throat felt a little scratchy. The doctor looked at me, went to check something and came back saying she thought I might have lupus. My cheeks and nose were red like I had a sunburn and they felt hot, but I hadn't been outside in over a week, plus it had been raining and overcast for two weeks straight. I had only been outside long enough to walk to my car and then walk from the car into the doctor's office and I had sat in the air conditioning for more then twenty minutes before seeing her so I shouldn't have been hot, not to mention it was overcast outside. She brought another doctor in who said it also looked like a classic malar rash. I've been trying to convince myself since then that I just get hot easily. If it comes back negative I'm going to be upset because I'll be back at square one and not knowing what's wrong is frustrating. At this point it would almost be a relief to find out that I have lupus just so that I can know and they can give me something that might make me feel better. At least for a little while. I'm in my late twenties and I know that I shouldn't feel as run down and old as I feel. I should have energy and be enjoying life. I know I'm not depressed (I went ahead and ruled out mental things first because I had just had kids when all this started and wanted to make sure it wasn't postpartum depression or something like that). At first I was scared it might come back positive. I think I'm more scared now that it'll come back negative.
We recently found out that my son is allergic to guinea pigs, which is funny. We have two guinea pigs and he's scared of them, but I was holding one the other day and my son got on my lap. The guinea got in his face and within a few minutes my son had hives all around his lips and chin. I waited a few days and then took some shedded fur off of the guineas and rubbed it on his leg just to make sure it was the guineas and not something he ate and sure enough, within about two minutes he had hives breaking out in the exact spot. I gave him some Benadryl, washed his leg and put some hydrocortisone cream on his hives before sending him to bed. The hives were gone within twenty minutes. It's just crazy how fast he broke out. It's also a good thing that he's scared of them. As long as they don't give him any other problems I think it's okay to keep them as long as he doesn't come in contact with their fur, but once they kick the bucket we won't be getting anymore. My dreams of a guinea farm just went up in smoke ;-)
On the knitting front I finished three of my four projects for the Ravelympics. The darn Sweetheart Socks gave me trouble (as well as a week of near continuos sleep because it felt like I was coming down with the flu). I've now started on a sweater for my hubby. Or I should say I've started a sweater that I'm really probably going to wear more than him, but it's for him. My son wanted some "dark socks" that I've started as well. And I also have a pair of knee socks on needles to jazz up my daughter's school uniform. "Ruby" started school this last week and was really excited to be riding the bus this year. "Max" will be going to preschool and he can't wait. It starts this Friday, but he is bummed that he doesn't get to ride the bus. We keep reassuring him that he will next year.
Hubby had to go back to physical therapy for another round because he still can't bend his knee 90 degrees and is having pain. They may have to do exploratory surgery because he shouldn't be having pain at this point. On a funny note, his knee gave out as he was taking a bowl of Campfire stew out of the freezer (he was cooling it off for the kids) and it caused him to jerk and fling the stew all over the front of the refrigerator. We laughed for awhile about that one (or maybe I laughed and he gave me dirty looks..... I can't remember). I love my gimp.

Gearing for the Ravelympics

I think I may have overdone it and I'm getting nervous. To update, I was invited to Ravelry (online knitting community) and soon after found that they are holding the Ravelympics (a knitting version of the Olympics). I chose three events, the Sock Put, Shawl Relay and the Bag and Tote Backstroke. I have a total of four projects, two socks, one hobo bag and a shawl. I'm still waiting for my yarn for the shawl and the bag, but I will be able to work on the socks while waiting and I'm crossing my fingers that the rest gets here before I finish them. The socks alone will take about a week. I'll be lucky if I finish.
I can not begin to explain how much I love this site (Ravelry). It allows me to see all the projects that I have on the needles, as well as my stash and connects me to knitters the world over. Something that's very important here in Guam since knitters are few and far between. I'm thinking of starting a knitting club. Some well placed flyers on base may bring all the hidden knitters out of the woodwork for a once a week group knitting session. For now though, I am focused on the Ravelympics. My arms are going to be burnin'.

Never Goodbye

I wish that I could be home and see you, but life has made that impossible. There are so many things that I wanted to say to you when I talked to you on the phone, but my own stupid sense of needing to be strong prevented me. I remember when I was a little kid and I decided to clean your TV screen. I think I used hairspray. It didn't work well at cleaning the screen and you were mad at the fuzzy, streaky mess I had made. I was scared of you then. The beauty of growing up is that we learn that the scary adults aren't so scary. We learn about their secrets, their mistakes, and we learn that they are fallable..... human, just like us. Because of that we love them even more. We love them for their humaness and we love them because of who they are now. I love you and I wish that you didn't have to go. I love your pancakes on Sunday morning (especially the pancake man), the times that you were there for me when my mom couldn't be and times when you were there for her, your stories of the navy and my mom and her brothers and sisters growing up and I will miss everything about you even though I couldn't say that on the phone..... I felt it in my heart. I feel it in my heart..... and it hurts. But I know that it's time. I could hear that in your voice, so I say I LOVE YOU, but never goodbye. Goodbye is for people that we'll never see again and I see you everyday. In the can of Popeye Spinach in the grocery store, in my husband as he talks about his navy adventures, through my mom as I listen to her voice on the phone, in the pictures that I have at home, in the pancakes that I make for my kids (sometimes I even try and make the pancake man), in the warm air of Guam knowing that you were once here, and in the night sky knowing that you can see the same stars. I love you, Grandpa and I wanted you to know that. I love you more then you ever realized. Love Sam.

Oh Happy Days

I have been a busy little person since I last blogged. My hubby tore his ACL, MCL and messed up the meniscus in his knee. He is going to require surgery to have it all fixed. The good news in all this is that they'll take him off the ship and they may send us back to the states soon. It's also nice to have him home all the time...... sometimes. The biggest hurrah is that they have finally found out what is wrong with my skin. Three years of suffering may finally be over!!!! I have psoriasis. It was difficult to diagnose because the placement of it makes it look different. Lucky for me (I think), it broke out on my scalp and made itself very obvious. I'm grateful that it's not in any place that can really been seen, but that having been said it has been a real pain. A real annoying, frustrating, sometimes painful pain. Welcome to the auto immune disease club. Do I get a shirt? I'm taking things as they come and rolling with the punches.
In my knitting world (which has served to keep me from going insane as I was very itchy for a time and having something to occupy your hands with is very helpful) I have been working on another blanket. Originally I bought the yarn for a shirt, but after messing up an entire section I frogged it and decided that the color wasn't right for my mom. I debated about making a shawl out of it, but decided a blanket would cover better. It's a very simple blanket. It's all done in garter stitch . I started with CO 35 sts and knitting 33 rows. I then BO and picked up 35 sts on the left side of the square and knit 33 rows before binding off again and then picking up 70 sts along the left side (and so on and so forth). I'm on my third ball (I have twelve total) and I already have a substantially large square for a 4 ply being knit on US4 needles. I'm also still plugging away on a scarf, socks and I just recently started knitting Harry Potter's red sweater from the Charmed Knits book. So far, so good on everything

In Memory of......

Christopher Shane Oliver 1981- 27 May 2008
For the past week I've been trying to understand what could be so bad about life that a man with three babies would kill himself over. I still don't understand and probably never will.You were a good man and a good friend and I hope that you rest in peace. Everyone misses you and wishes they could rewind time and stop this from being true. I hope that you found the peace that you were looking for and that someday your sons and daughter will understand.

Half Way Around the World in 30 Days

Our trip to California was SOOOOOOOOO great! We flew space available so we had to be flexible and go with the flow, but that worked out perfectly for me and mine. Our first flight to Cali was dropped because of too much cargo (so they weren't taking any passengers), but two days later we caught the next flight to Cali and it took us exactly where we wanted to be.... San Diego. We had a great time at my Dad's. Everyday was fun and there were so many places to see. We went out just about everyday and got to walk around on hiking trails and the like. There was a playground close that was great for the kids to go to. My dad is a lot of fun on a daily basis. He's always doing something that makes me smile and laugh. My youngest sister is the same and my kids loved hanging with their aunt. My younger sister was also able to come down and see us (she's a college goer and is graduating!!!) and we had a lot of fun together. I got my youngest sister hooked on Firefly.

We hit the zoo, Wild Animal Park, Disneyland, California Adventures, and got to see some really pretty vistas in La Jolla. It was over WAYYYYYYYYY too fast. Getting home was a little trickier and we had to drive north to Fairfield (seven hour drive) and we were there three days trying to get a flight out to Hawaii before we gave up and went to Japan instead (there was a couple that was a category above us and they had been there two weeks trying to get a flight out to Hawaii so I knew we weren't going ot make it out any time soon). We got the flight to Yokoto and spent three days there as well, which was fun. We couldn't rent a car so we got to walk everywhere (which I enjoyed..... everything was close together). We didn't get a chance to go out into Japan and look around because we spent most of our time at the passenger terminal trying to get a flight out, but there was a children's lounge there where the kids could play and I spent my time finishing some knits.
From Japan we went to Okinawa and got to see Mt Fuji from the air. I wish I had gotten a picture because it was so awesomely impressive. From there we stopped for about an hour before continuing home. I will definitely do it again as soon as I get enough money saved. It cost us about $2000 for everything which is much cheaper then the $4500 just for plane tickets that we would have spent. Maybe next time I'll try to go all the way to the east coast. Next time I want a nice vacation I definitely will be going to visit my dad. We're hoping to get San Diego as our next station which would be great because then I could maybe work for my dad.

Cali or Bust

I'm gearing up for a trip back to the states. I'll be flying Space available with two young kids, but I'm hoping that the timing of my travel will work out to my advantage. This week is Spring Break for all the kids, but I can't put in for travel until after my hubby gets home so it'll be in the middle of the break that we'll be trying to fly out and I'm hoping that most people will have already gone where they are going or that no one will be going anywhere at all. On our way back no one should be traveling for vacation so we should get a flight quickly. Especially if it's a straight shot to Guam. Either way I expect to get stuck in Hawaii for a few days there and a few days back. I know. Stuck in Hawaii. How horrible! I'm hoping to have some nice pics by the time I get back. The final destination is California to visit family and I'm really excited about it. My dad and sisters really haven't gotten to meet and spend much time with my kids. We're also planning plenty of trips to zoos and Disney and I'm hoping to do some sailing and camping while there. On my list is also a trip to Olive Garden one night for dinner. We don't have an Olive Garden here and I miss the soup, salad and breadsticks. It's torture when you can't get something that was normally available to you. Especially when they run the torture commercials! They know we don't have one here, why can't they put a local commercial over the Olive Garden one? Anyways, I can't wait to spend a few weeks with my dad and show my kids California. I'm also looking forward to the travel because it'll be a break from the everyday grind. I'll be sure to get a travel neck pillow this time so that I can nap on the plane.

In Memory of......

Remy. My four month old nephew who passed away on Thursday. I'm sorry I never got to meet you. You look so much like my daughter and son when they were babies. Your aunt K told us that you love to smile and laugh. Such a beautiful baby boy. The blanket that I knit for you is sitting here next to me along with your hat. I was waiting for a sewing machine so I could sew a back liner onto it so that it would look nicer. I should have just sent it. It would have kept you warm either way. I think that if you had it then maybe it would have kept your little body from going cold and that you would know that there are people who have never met you that love you very much. You are happier and safer in God's arms and someone will answer for what happened to you. Even if it was inevitable your momma should have been there to hold you and love you, but she was too busy ruining her life. Now she can't ruin yours anymore. We love you always.
I should have sent the blanket.

Welcome Salty Dog...... arrrrrrrh!

I got my yarn from PurlSoho! Yea for me! The Collinette sock yarn (Salty Dog) is a little darker then the picture, but I still like it and can't wait to have a pair of my own socks. I am also knitting the Jess Gansey using the Rowan cashsoft that I also got. I did a few gauge swatches using the recommended size needles, but it just didn't feel right so I went up one size.
It measured out 30 sts for 4" instead of 27 sts so I decided to go up one more needle size (US #4). Then after I finally got 280 sts onto a US #3 16 inch circular and got the edging done and ready for the US #4, I realized that I had knit all my gauge swatches flat instead of in the round. I wonder if that's going to make a difference? I know that it does, but I'm going to knit anyways and then measure (to make sure that it's not too far off).
The size that I'm knitting leaves zero to negative ease, but the next size up has a positive ease of more then five inches so hopefully a few extra stitches will help give the sweater the perfect ease. We shall see....... once I get about four inches into the sweater........ five years from now (so.....many....stitches).

Perfection

I finished the baby blanket for my nephew a few months ago (in time for Christmas, in fact), but have waited sending it because my hubby said he wanted to buy something else and send it along with the blanket. I have decided to send it anyways (before the boy is too old for a blankie) and spent the weekend readying it for gifting. It needs a back because my weave ins are showing and I don't like that, so I bought a piece of fabric to back it with and washed both the blanket and the backing (seperately). I knew there was a chance that the colors would run and I was right.
I pulled it from the wash to find fuzz all over the inside of my washer and strewn all over the blanket, as well as greyish blocks where there were once white ones. I was almost ready to cry. Instead I sat down and hand picked all the fuzz off the blanket and found that most of the discoloration came from the halo of multicolor fuzz that was covering the blanket and that once all the fuzz was (mostly) gone that the blanket had a very soft, comfy, favorite broken in shirt kind of feel and now I love it more then before. 

While washing the blanket I decided to use the remaining yarn that I had left from it to make a hat for the boy. It came out near perfect (I was squealing with delight as my son tried it on and it fit perfectly). I'm thinking of washing it before sending it so that it'll be just as soft as the blankie. I might take another day and make little booties as well, but I think there has been enough of a delay in sending. I'm waiting to see if I can borrow a friend's sewing machine so I can sew the backing onto it, otherwise it mike take another day or so to get it sewn together.
I went back to the gym for the first time since before Thanksgiving. They now have a Mommy and Me gym where I can workout during the day (instead of having to wait for hubby to get home or try to find a babysitter) and he can play. It's really great. The play area for him is covered with gym mats and foam blocks and different shapes for them to stack and jump or slide off of. There's also a climbing wall and I can't wait until he realizes it and tries it out for the first time. Once he does I won't be able to keep him off of it. He had a lot of fun and didn't want to leave, but after no exercise for several months I was ready to fall off the back of the treadmill after only thirty minutes (really I was grateful that I was able to go that long for my first time back). I don't think I'll go tomorrow, but Friday I'll be back in there. I'll need a day to rest because I'm sure that I'm going to be hurting tomorrow. Or maybe I will and just take it easy to stretch things out and keep it from cramping up. I don't know yet, I'll have to see how I feel. Right now I feel great which means I did just enough at the right intensity. In the last five minutes I really thought I was going to lose my legs and go flying off the back of the treadmill (LMAO just thinking about it). Right now I feel just about perfect :-)
top left: blanket before washing; top right: blanket after washing; bottom left: hat before construction; bottom right: finished hat on cutie model

The Things that I Think of

Still working on my finger callouses, but I won't be able to take my first lesson until after the start of March. I've been trying to tune my ukulele, but it just doesn't sound quite right. I might just be too much of a perfectionist, but the sound that I'm trying to get seems to be inbetween where it is and where it goes when I tweak the tension just a smidge tighter. It's maddening. What I need is an actual ukulele that's already tuned to be played so I can hear the notes and then tune mine. I can only find small tracks online of the notes and they don't sound like anything that I can make with my strings. I even tried using the piano on Garageband and playing the same C note over and over again to get the third string tuned, but it never sounds right. It always sounds a bit too high or a bit too low. Arghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
I bought a few skeins of yarn this week that I'm really excited about. One is a Colinette fingering weight in Salty Dog ( a medium blue that is just so gorgeous I knew I had to make a pair of socks for myself and hopefully have enough left to knit a pair for my boy). I love the color and the name was so great I had to buy it. Just HAD to. I also picked up 12 balls of Rowan Cashsoft for the Jess Gansey pattern featured in Interweave Knits (the actual pattern is found on their website for free). It's a really nice pattern using a fingering weight on really tiny needles. I'll be done with it in about ten years and then I'll give it to my mom (ha ha ha). Hope it doesn't take that long to finish. I also have to look and find yarn to start my Buffyknits project. I was going to start with the hot pink mock boat neck sweater that Buffy sports in one episode (I'll look through my DVD's and find the actual episode so you can see the one that I'm talking about), but with everything else that I'm trying to get done I'm thinking a chunky knit would be a better jumping off point. There are several to choose from from the fourth and fifth seasons. There's a beautiful brown sweater knit in chunky stockinette and a grey tweed with shots of garter stitch worked intermittently though a stockinette. The choices are limitless and with me starting with a size small enough to fit a six year old will make it all go faster (although with a chunky knit I might just go ahead and size for an adult.....my skinny friend comes to mind.....she'll need sweaters once she moves back to Michigan or Washington).
Where to go next has been a topic of conversation as of late. We've been here in Guam for over a year now and have two more to go. I would stay here if I could import all of my family that I miss or if it was easier (and cheaper) to go and visit all my family. The weather here beats out every place that I've ever been. It gets hot some days, but the percentage of beautiful days can't be beat (unless you live in Hawaii). We're thinking of San Diego, but talk has also drifted to Spain, Italy or Florida. When I think of a place to live, ultimately the first thing that I think of is " What is the probability that someone will nuke this place?"
I don't know why, maybe too much Jericho and Sarah Conner Chronicles (although it was something I though of before then). The second thing I think of are all the natural disasters that can occur and the probability of them. Once a place has been deemed safe (ish) then it's given the thumbs up. San Diego is the first place I think of when thinking of the first place an enemy would nuke, but the weather is nice and I have family that I want to spend time with there AND if given a choice I want to be incenerated immediately (at Disneyland while riding the Haunted Mansion, ha ha ha!) as opposed to trying to survive in the aftermath or getting radiation poisoning and dying a slow painful death. Besides, there are so many things to do around there that you can get in a lifetime of living in just a few years and that outweighs the nuclear halocaust that may be. These are the things that flit through my mind at odd times of the day. It's weird and quirky and my brain is always very matter of fact about it.

Do U Ukulele too?

Another Valentine's gift was bestowed on me today. Actually I don't know if it's really a Valentine's gift or just one of those things that he's been wanting to get me for awhile now and just got around to it today because we were in the store. Anyways, it's a little ukulele from JB's Ukulele Hut. I got the smallest (and I think cheapest) one that they had. The premise here being that I can learn on a little one and then upgrade to a bigger one if it proves to be a genuine interest and then pass the little one onto my daughter who seems keen (at this moment in time) to learn how to play as well. If not then I'm not out as much money as I would have been and I can still pass it on to my little ones. You get a free hour lesson with your purchase and then you can buy more lessons (three months worth for $60 a month/ once a week for 30 minutes each). Right now I'm getting my fingers conditioned by holding down the strings as if I am playing and I'm trying out strumming to a rhythm although all my "songs" sound like crud because I can't seem to get the darn thing tuned. I'm sure that I'll learn, but for right now it is the bane of my existence. I have a guitar as well (one that is a bit on the big side for me) and I'm hoping that learning the ukulele will spark a reinterest in learning the guitar. The interest has always been there, there was just the lack of lessons and the frustration of not having someone to show me how. I can't seem to pick it up from a book like I can other things (namely knitting and other crafts).
I really like my little ukulele and I'm hoping to learn how to play Somewhere Over the Rainbow on it. You know the song that I'm talking about, done Hawaiian style by the guy whose name I could never hope to pronounce, much less actually try to spell right now. The hubby seemed excited about the purchase as well and already has tales of me cutting a CD a year from now after I get my more expensive ukulele upgrade. He has our daughter living in Hawaii, playing to millions, and inviting us to vacation with her for months out of the year. It's nice to have dreams ;-)

Watch this

Happy Chinese New Year! I know I'm a couple days late, but they don't stop celebrations until the 15th when they have the dragon dance. I had to give a shout out because it's a big deal here being so close to China. The year of the Rat is upon us. I don't know exactly what that means, but I do know that my mom, my son and I all share the same Chinese animal. We're all monkeys! My daughter was very pleased to find that she was born in the year of the horse (horses are her favorite animal) and my hubby is a tiger. By the way mom, a pair of your socks that I'm knitting are from a pattern named Monkey. Fitting I thought. They're a pretty lace patterned sock that can be found by going to www.knitty.com and clicking on archives then on socks and then on Monkey. Now you can see what one pair will look like. I thought they were very pretty and I hope that you like them too.
We're all recovering from strep throat and are almost finished with our ten day regimines of antibiotics. I will be very glad when we are. I just found out that they opened a Mommy and me section to the gym last month which means that I can go there with my son and put him in a room to play while I work out. Before no one under the age of ten was allowed in the gym and they didn't offer any type of daycare so if you were a stay at home mom they wanted you to stay at home and work out too I guess. I'm going to start this week and go from there. My friend said that she would go with me, but even if she doesn't I'll be up there everyday ellipticalling my butt off (literally I hope). In my CT they found a calcification in my right kidney, but luckily it wasn't big enough to cause any problems. That has prompted me to drink 2-3 liters of water/liquid a day to keep from getting a kidney stone (I've had gall stones and I've heard they're similar on the pain scale and I'm not going there again!!!). So that will make me ready for all the sweating that I'm going to be doing. I'm hydrated and ready to go. I know from past experience that my diet will fall in line the more exercise that I do. Something about exercising makes me crave veggies and good for me foods and also makes me tend to eat less. It's a blessing that I'll take.
Valentine's came early for me. My hubby bought me a beautiful watch from the GFS downtown that was $80. I only put the price down because it's a big deal to me. I've never had an $80 watch before and it blows my mind and I'm so scared of scratching it. When I was a kid a watch was too expensive unless you got it out of a cereal box or with your meal in the drive thru. It was one of the cheapest watches there (I'm thrifty and it hurt me to watch him drop even that on a watch) as we were surrounded by Armani, Seiko, and Tag Haeur (?sp). There was a Tiffany's a few stores down as well as Chanel, Burberry, Ralph Lauren, and all the other big names that you would normally have to pass by a guard who has to swipe you credit card before you can even get into the place. The DFS is a big name mall with duty free shopping (DFS....... get it?) for all the Japanese tourists to spend their money. Down the street there is a row that I imagine Fifth Ave looks like and those are the actual stores where they do check your credit before they allow you to enter. Want a $10000 handbag from a big name designer? You can find it at the DFS. Want and Armani suit custom fitted, $50 chocolates, $1000 bottle of Henessey, and the most numbers that you've ever seen put on a price tag for a watch or charm for a charm bracelet? Then go to the DFS. You can find some deals and most things are in the under $100 range (but then again I'm smart enough not to walk into Tiffany's and the handbag shops so I stick to the cosmetic counters). My watch is a cheapo, by these standards so it makes me feel a little better and at the same time I feel very pampered and ritzy as I watch my new watch sparkle on my wrist. It's so purdy!!!!! (Picture will soon follow)

Aerobic Sleep

Sleep eludes me once again. I laid down at seven and slept for two hours before waking (with my heart pounding) and I have yet to be able to get back to sleep. I have my test results tomorrow and I'm nervous, but not for the reasons you would think. I'm more scared that I'll go in there and they'll say that they found nothing and that there's nothing wrong. A confirmation of my insanity. I just don't like not knowing because there's nothing I can do while in the proverbial dark. I just have to wait and I'm not the waiting type. I need to do something..... busy myself..... otherwise the time drags on..... and on..... and on.....AND ON!!! My original appointment was for the 23rd, but it was rescheduled by the doctor (his wife was having a baby that week) for the 28th leaving me to wait five more days........ IN AGONY!!!!! My hubby also leaves tomorrow with the ship and will get home right before the Super Bowl.
The hubs and I hit the tennis court today and I think I've found the perfect sport for me. I've always reveled in hunting flies with the fly swatter. I specialize in smacking them down mid flight. Just like tennis. I have to work on my accuracy and power though. I kept hitting it over the fence. All of my returns were out of bounds, but in response to the accuracy, it was very windy today and kept throwing the ball off course. I had the wind to my back so that might have made my returns fly a little farther as well. I ran back and forth after the ball and spent a lot of time laughing (because I kept missing). I would have had more hustle, but I was wearing pink Crocs (which tend to slip under your feet when you start sweating) so next time I'll be sure to strap on the tennis shoes.

Knit and Sail

I found a Buffy knits KAL. I was going to knit a sweater at a time and post on my blog, but I might join this knit a long. So far it just looks like people are making up or using patterns that fit the characters and then giving them names to Buffize them. I'm more interested in recreating the actual sweaters that they wore on the show. One person has actually done that with the Initiative sweater (kudos to them) and I hope to continue with Buffy's cotton candy boat mock neck sweater from season four. After that I want to do Willow's yellow and orange overlay from the Thanksgiving episode in season four. I've started mapping out the stripes (which is hard when someone keeps moving and you never get a complete view of the whole sweater). I'm going to make them for my daughter first which will insure that I won't need as much yarn and it will take less time. From there I can size everything up. If I get halfway through a sweater for her and then have to rip it, it's not as bad as if I have to rip out a sweater for myself since my daughter's only five and a very skinny little kid.
I'm still plugging away at all the socks that were supposed to be done by Christmas. I had sock burnout and had to stop for a week, but I think that I'm ready to continue. I still have yet to get a pair done. I have three out of eight socks done (one of which will be ripped and reknit because the heel is different..... so really I only have two and they're both from different pairs). I also still owe my mom socks from her birthday (which was in before Christmas) and a pair for Christmas. I have one of her socks done, but the ankle is a little too short. I wonder if I can unravel the first round, pick up stitches, and add onto the cuff without it looking "off". I can only try and if it doesn't work then I'll be forced to rip the whole sock and start over (which I really don't want to have to do). I am a FROG. Rip-it, rip-it!!!! Once I get all these socks done then I can get the rest of the projects that I started before the holidays done, one of which is a cardigan for myself. There's a lot of things that I want to get done and if I would just sit down and do them they would be done already. I've been spending most of my time sleeping because of stomach pain. It starts hurting and I lay down on my right side so that it doesn't hurt as much and then I fall asleep.
I started taking my Addyrall again. I think it was the five pounds that I gained this week. I've been off of it for three weeks and haven't gained anything back, but I was noticing that I was hungry on a massive scale and never seemed to get full. I don't know if that's back lash from coming off the Addyrall or if it's the birth control. Probably a little of both. On the Addyrall I lose weight without having to try, but I also don't eat. I have to force myself to eat two or three bites at each meal so that I don't burn out after a week from starvation. The Addyrall also raises my body temperature. I get HOT when I've taken it, but it helps me concentrate and helps with my fatigue so that I can get through my day without needing a nap, plus I get back on a regular sleep schedule. It helps me out all around..... at least for the first week or so. After that I think it builds in my system and gets to be too much so I have to take a week off to rehydrate, fuel back up on food and get more sleep (it starts to screw up my sleep to where I have trouble going to sleep). Maybe taking it every other day would work.
Anyways, onto knitting and hopefully taking up a few sports here soon. I'd like to start hitting the gym and maybe do some kite boarding and scuba diving. I want to at least get scuba certified before leaving the island. This place is also great for kite boarding because we get some great wind, but it can be dangerous. If you get a big up draft you can get lifted really high and then smack down.....hard. We had one guy die on the pacific side of the island and several people have gotten hurt. I also want to take my kids fishing. They want to ride on a boat and I want to catch a fish with them. Little fish that they can reel in...... not Marlins and Mahis. I wonder how long they'll be on the boat before they get bored? I would also like to learn how to sail and maybe get certified. You can take classes to become a captain , but enough certification to sail would be enough for me. I already kind of know how to because my dad takes me sailing when I go and visit him and I've always loved that. I'm in charge of the jib line, I get to run from one side of the boat to the other, dodging the main sail as it swings to the other side, and pull the jib line nice and tight and securing it. I've always taken it seriously. To be honest our boat is so small that you can sit at the rudder and grab the jib line to tighten from where you're sitting (meaning it really only takes one person), but that's the job I am charged with when we sail and I do my job. We've had a bigger boat where I actually did have to run from one side to the other to pull the jib tight. That was really fun.

What a Wonderful World over the Rainbow

Still feeling good today, which is a big deal. I think the last few days of realizing what was bugging me was key. I've known since right after Thanksgiving that I was dragging from something emotionally, but couldn't define it. I feel free and clear now, but I'm also wondering how long it's going to last. I'm going to enjoy it until it's gone and hope that it never goes away.
Big news out of our camp. We had a trip to the ER last night. My eldest cracked her chin on a curb while we were leaving her school. I took her to the school nurse because I didn't have anything clean to press on it to stop the bleeding. It was very obvious that it was going to need stitches as soon as she lifted her head because a piece of her chin was hanging down like someone had grabbed it and tried to rip it from her face. The nurse patched her with steri- strips and some gauze to help stop the bleeding until we could get to the ER. I figured it would stop the bleeding, but once we arrived at the ER I turned to look at her and there was blood coming through the other side of the gauze. They stitched her with three stitches. The hardest part was numbing her for the stitches. They had to wrap her like a burrito. She didn't like the feel of the lidocaine (it does burn quite a bit AND they were poking her where it was open..... tell me who likes that), but she was quiet and still for the actual stitching (I thought she had passed out). It was still bleeding a little this morning and I'm hoping it doesn't get infected and heals like it's supposed to. The wound was never irrigated, but it was bleeding good and blood is your body's natural irrigation. She's only five so I think she did really good. My son is the one that jumps off of everything and bounces all over the place like he's trying to hurt himself and has never needed stitches. This is number two for my girl (last time was the chin too and she got liquid stitches that time so it wasn't as bad).
It's raining here today. ALOT. I woke at 3 in the morning to really loud thunder. After awhile I thought maybe the navy was bombing something because it was so loud, but I didn't see any lightening. One little fact about Guam is that we have a rainbow here almost everyday (at least every other day). Sometimes they look so close that you swear if you keep driving/ walking that you'll make it to the end of it. I saw one that looked like it ended in a parking lot in front of me. One end always touches land and the other goes off out to sea. Are we really somewhere over the rainbow? :-)

Revelations

Everyone is going to have to wait until next year to receive their ornaments. I was going to send them out, but when I got to thinking about it I figured that everyone has put away their Christmas by now (or will before my gifts get there) and then they'll either have to take boxes back out to put them away OR they'll get set aside and misplaced before next Christmas. At least everything will be done before Christmas and I won't have to worry about it next year except for the shipping (which I can do early!!!!).
I'm still plugging away on the socks that I promised my sisters and dad. I'm waiting on a reply for color preferences before finishing the toes (in case I need to change the length). The first sock that I finished will have to be redone because I decided to go with the short row heel with the subsequent socks instead of the slip stitch reinforced heel (mainly because it's a new technique and I think it looks more like a sock you would buy). I finished one of my mom's socks, but that's going to have to be redone as well because it's too low on the ankle (an uncomfortable low..... for me anyways). Just a few more rows will fix that and I'm debating on whether I should pick up stitches around the cuff and add on inches or not. I also saw this method where you unravel the cast on and pick up the loose stitches and knit and there's no difference (not much at least). I may try that method and if it doesn't work then I'll be kissing the frog.
Anyone reading my blog knows I've been sick for awhile now (this is the revelation part). I'm scheduled for a CT on the 17th and to put it bluntly I'm scared s__tless. Not something that I'm able to admit readily. It's easier telling it to an unassuming computer screen. It has brought forth a whole bunch of issues that I find myself in need of dealing with now, partly because I think that most of my physical illness is caused by the emotional. Panic attacks run in my family and my life growing up would have brought out an anxiety disorder anyways. I've been an evil bear the past few weeks to everyone close to me and have come to realize it's because I'm scared. There's the possibility that I suffer from PTSD, something that I have thought in the past but dismissed. It makes sense because I did witness my mom almost dying at least three times and in all instances there are parts where I can't remember what happened. Those parts of the memories all have similarities because I was alone, but I can't remember what I did, thought or felt during that time..... at all. It's weird to realize that you have a hole in a memory that's otherwise clear as crystal in all other areas. That's a symptom of PTSD that I dismissed because I was sure that I remembered everything clearly until I was asked to actually do so. I also figured that I had been to so many mental health professionals growing up (to deal with sexual abuse) that they would have diagnosed me a long time ago. I am optimistic that now that I know what is wrong I can work through it on my own, but I am still going to seek a professional to confirm. Especially since I think the emotional may be causing my physical illnesses. I want to cover all my bases. It might be that I actually have something physically wrong,and in that event I'll need help dealing anyways so I'm covering my booty. I'm also at a point where if I have to take something until I get to a clear patch and can deal without taking it out on other people then I will and not be embarrassed about it. I just know that I can't keep letting it get worse. I was able to talk to my mom about a few things this morning and I feel so much better then I have felt in a long while. There are things that I feel guilty about, things that I'm angry about (and feel guilty about being angry about), and things that I'm sad about (which has resulted in an almost constant state of mourning). I know in my heart that I'm strong and that's it's taken me ten years to reach a breaking point without actually breaking. I see a crack in my foundation and am moving to repair it now before it breaks apart and brings down my house. I've noticed these cracks before and have been able to patch it myself but now it's time to call in a contractor (to complete my analogy). I need something in order to be able to move forward. I have all these ideas and dreams that I never act on because I don't want to compromise my responsibilities to other people, but I need to learn that I can do both. I know it, but I need to feel it. That's my big lightbulb moment for this year....... possibly the decade. Maybe this can help someone else struggling with the same kinds of things or I may just be typing to myself. Either way it's all good.