Never Goodbye

I wish that I could be home and see you, but life has made that impossible. There are so many things that I wanted to say to you when I talked to you on the phone, but my own stupid sense of needing to be strong prevented me. I remember when I was a little kid and I decided to clean your TV screen. I think I used hairspray. It didn't work well at cleaning the screen and you were mad at the fuzzy, streaky mess I had made. I was scared of you then. The beauty of growing up is that we learn that the scary adults aren't so scary. We learn about their secrets, their mistakes, and we learn that they are fallable..... human, just like us. Because of that we love them even more. We love them for their humaness and we love them because of who they are now. I love you and I wish that you didn't have to go. I love your pancakes on Sunday morning (especially the pancake man), the times that you were there for me when my mom couldn't be and times when you were there for her, your stories of the navy and my mom and her brothers and sisters growing up and I will miss everything about you even though I couldn't say that on the phone..... I felt it in my heart. I feel it in my heart..... and it hurts. But I know that it's time. I could hear that in your voice, so I say I LOVE YOU, but never goodbye. Goodbye is for people that we'll never see again and I see you everyday. In the can of Popeye Spinach in the grocery store, in my husband as he talks about his navy adventures, through my mom as I listen to her voice on the phone, in the pictures that I have at home, in the pancakes that I make for my kids (sometimes I even try and make the pancake man), in the warm air of Guam knowing that you were once here, and in the night sky knowing that you can see the same stars. I love you, Grandpa and I wanted you to know that. I love you more then you ever realized. Love Sam.