In A Blah

I've spent the last few weeks in a blah. I don't know how else to describe it. Serious trouble sleeping. I'm writing this at five in the morning after staying up the night before and all day. I'm tired, but can't sleep to save my life. And I'm mad. Yeah I said it! I'm freakin' mad!!!! I don't really know why or who, but I'm mad!
Hubby keeps staying at work late which isn't his fault but I feel it should be. It's one thing to have him gone because then I don't rely on him to be there at all. When he's here I expect him home at a reasonable time so that I can go do something for myself (so I don't crack while he is gone from lack of me time). When he doesn't come home until after 8:30 pm and everything closes at 9pm that puts a dent in my plans. He had duty on my birthday. Again not his fault, but it ticked me off. I feel like when he is home he spends hours and hours on the computer..... in a seperate room....... it's like he's not even home. I would just prefer not to have to rely on someone else so maybe I will just stop relying on him for anything and then I can't get mad. Too bad it doesn't work that way and if it did it would probably kill my marriage.
I've also been sick again. Tired and unable to sleep. All my muscles hurt like I've been spending my days in an all day boot camp. And I've lost my appetite. I'm hungry. My stomach hurts, but I just don't want to eat. I feel like I drank way too much water. At the same time I would swear that I've gained weight around my midsection. It's swollen or something. I have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday and hopefully I'll get some answers. I've been testing my thyroid every year since I was 18 because I was tired all the time so this has been ongoing and getting progressively worse. Watch it just be stress. Maybe I just need a vacation or three. Decompress. They say to exercise, but I'm not getting enough to eat or sleep for that. There's no way. I don't have a scale but I would swear I've gained more weight. It's getting ridiculous. I think that's part of my blah. I'm kind of scared to go and get checked out. What if they do find something? What if they don't find anything and they just tell me that I'm crazy stressed? Which is worse because I can't decide? I haven't even been knitting. GASP!!!!!!!! The end is nigh!!!!