SWEEEEEEET!

So I had my first Humira shot on the 8th of April. It hurt like a mother. A week later there was a noticable difference in my skin. Sweet. This past Wednesday I had my second shot and I took the advice of my mom and several other Humira takers on Ravelry and took the shot in my stomach this time. It didn't hurt. I barely even felt it. Double sweet. My fingers aren't hurting anymore and I'm actually able to write again (something that had become impossible with the joint pain in my fingers). Triple sweet.
I sat outside, sweated and didn't get itchy. Even sweeter still!
All this has given me a case of startitis (as the Yarn Harlot would call it) and I have cast on several projects even though I still have several projects that are just a sewn seam away from being finished. I need a case of finish-it-upitis. I cast on for my second Bellatrix Deux sock and started a pair of socks for my son. There's also a blanket that I started. I had this huge skein of white acrylic (Red Heart) and decided that a nice seed stitch throw would be the best thing to make of it. So far it is coming along good, but I've become a bit of a yarn snob in that I keep wishing it were a natural fiber like cotton or wool. I have about six or so projects on Ravelry that are in progress not counting the socks that I cast on for my son and the acrylic blanket. There's also another throw that I started about a month ago in seed stitch as well, but made from Suri Dream (knitpicks). I only have three skeins of the Suri so I'm taking my time until I can afford to get a few more skeins. I tried casting on for a scarf knit in self striping Felici (Schooner), but I couldn't get it the way I wanted and I think I'm going to have to try and look up double knitting. At first I tried a k1, sl1 pattern, but didn't like the texture that I was getting. Then I tried knitting in a tube, but I don't like the way it knits up that way either. With the tube scarves I always feel like they're off kilter and would prefer if both sides were attached in some way. This is what made me think of DK as an option. It's a technique that I've been wanting to try and a scarf would be a nice jumping off point. And for some stupid reason when I bought yarn I decided that I needed to try the new cotton sport yarn instead of getting more Suri (which I'm going to need more of eventually) and I have it in my head to cast that on as something soon. I need to finish some of this stuff. Some of these unfinished projects are things that I were supposed to send to my mom back at Christmas time (what can I say..... I hate the post office). Anyways, I'm off to finish up the first sock for my son. If I can buckle down then maybe I'll sew up the kitchener seam on that hood and get it finished so I can mail it to my mom and weave in the ends on the Jayne hat so I can send it off to my sister. Here's to hoping.

Full Circle

I may actually begin to blog about knitting and not my health problems. I have a full body outbreak of psoriasis and in the process of educating myself and asking the doctor the right questions I found that psoriasis can cause several vitamin deficiencies. On April 8th I will be put on a biologic called Humira to clear the full body flare that I'm having and to help stave off the arthritis that has also been developing from the psoriasis. I'm glad that the doctor finally went to this step because I have had lots of spots covering my body since November. A few of my spots have been with me for more then four years which is a pretty good indicator that my body isn't planning on a remission anytime soon. About a month ago I started having very noticable joint pain in my fingers. I had joint pain in other places, but didn't think anything about it because I thought I was too young to have arthritis so it must be muscle pain. All my tendon and ligament problems are from the psoriasis as well.
Hopefully all that will disappear once I go on this medicine. I started taking a multivitamin a few weeks ago (before I found out about the vitamin deficiencies this past week) just so that I would be doing all I could heath wise to help my body out (in addition to eating right, exercising, drinking plenty of water...... something I actually suck at most days......, and getting enough sleep). About a week into taking them I got a burst of energy that I hadn't had in a long time. Gratefully that has stuck with me and has made life a bit better (fatigue was one of my chief complaints..... still have it, but not as bad as before..... at least now I can do things).
I had to settle on taking Benadryl for itching since the pill the doctor gave me knocks me out. I tried to see if I would get used to it, but got sick of feeling half drunk all the time. I was sleeping like a hibernating bear and couldn't drive (it felt very unsafe to do so). Sometimes I take it if things get really bad and it's Friday. That way I have the weekend to sleep and my hubby is home with the kids and can drive us around.
I feel very vindicated at this point. For so long I felt like there was something wrong with my body, but couldn't really pinpoint it. I had tried to explain the symptoms to doctors only to be looked at funny. So then I would take a step back and think "Maybe I just feel weird because I recently had a baby or maybe I'm just imagining things" and would go on with my life only to have the same cycle of symptoms hit me again. My mom has Crohn's which is an auto immune disease and I knew that my dad's brother has psoriasis, which is another auto immune disease and puts me in a prime position to have one myself (just my mom having one really ups my chance). They (auto immune diseases) also have vague symptoms that plague you and don't show up on tests given until you really have a flare. But they can damage your body for years before then and so I knew that if I had one that it needed to be found and dealt with so that it would do as little damage as possible (preventative measures). Not always possible, but worth trying. At least I know that I'm not crazy. My current doctor once told me that because I entertained the notion that it might all be in my head that it probably wasn't. She kept working with me until we found out what it was.
I can't wait to be me again. To feel like me again and not the run down, half living being that I've survived as for the past several years. I feel hope and happiness and I feel like I have something to look forward to because I'll have the health to actually live and not just exist. My mom once told me when she was real sick that she was tired of just existing. I now know what she meant. You live day to day waiting for a "good day" that never seems to come. That day when you'll have enough energy and feel good enough to go out and do something you enjoy. You keep waiting and waiting because that's all you have the energy for. I got some of that back and I look forward to getting it all back. In fact I'm TAKING it back, damnit!

Merry Christmas to You

For the last 29 minutes it has been Christmas here. I slept all last night and all of today (pretty much). I saw the derm doctor on the 23 and she gave me this pill for itching. It is the pill from hell! At five in the morning I tried to get up. I wanted to get up, but I couldn't and then I fell into a coma that lasted until almost 3 in the afternoon. Once I was up and mobile (I really had to pee!) I still felt like I was going to fall out. Needless to say that I haven't taken it this evening, but I'm starting to get tired which is just crazy given the amount of sleep that I've already had (17 hours!!!!). I know that I'll be woken by the kids in the morning so they can open gifts so I might try a nap (since I didn't take the hell pill I should be able to wake easily). I'm going to give it a few days and then try it again (while the hubby's home) because the day that I took it I had been up for a full day so that might have had something to do with it. It's an antihistamine so I can't see it's effects lasting much longer then 8 hours, but I guess I'll find out. I'm afraid.
All the gifts are wrapped and I'm kind of annoyed at my hubby because he got me something. I know... weird, but let me explain. I was under the impression that the car and the $200 worth of clothes that I got were my Christmas gift. I still don't know what he wants for Christmas (because he doesn't know..... actually it's some computer part that he's trying to win off of e-bay, but has had no luck), but I got him two things for under the tree. Nothing big because his computer parts are costing a pretty penny, but something to open. He went and spent $80 on me and now I feel like I didn't get him enough because I only spent $40 on his two gifts. He's an annoying ass.
I wish I could find that perfect gift. You know the one. Something that someone really wants, but it's such a cheap little thing that you don't think they would ever really want it but they wear it everywhere and love it until it falls apart. He got me such a gift a few weeks ago. We were at the airforce base and they had an Asian furniture sale. They also had Asian jewelry and such and I saw this bracelet made of Mahjong tiles for $8. I didn't have any cash and we were kind of in a money bind at the time (this was before we got the new car and all our money was going towards a rental) so I didn't want to take any out. While I was looking at some other things that they had (I believe me and my daughter were enthralled with the fans on display) he secretly bought it and then presented it to me once we got in the car. I don't know what it is about this bracelet that makes me so happy but it does and I wear it everyday (which it beats my wedding ring in that respect because I haven't worn that since my daughter was born.... it doesn't fit anymore). I don't even think the thing looks good on me, but I love it because it's unique. I get a lot of compliments on it all the time and people asking me where I got it.
I'm kind of afraid that hubby might have gotten that Mahjong set for me as a Christmas gift. I like Mahjong, but I don't know how to play it. I do know that you need four people to play it though and I don't know four people that would sit and play an eight hour game with me! It would be nice to have a Mahjong set but I would never use it. It would be more for show which is not a good enough reason for me to justify $80 being spent on it. I could go shake my gift and I might know (the tiles make a distinctive sound).
Still working on the head covering for my mom. It wasn't long enough and I'm wondering now if it's going to be too bulky under the chin. I have a backup if that turns out to be the case (a different pattern that she'll like just as well if not more). I did manage to wrestle her sock back from the sock gnome that stole it. He was sleeping in it, but I was able to offer up a fair trade with a lone silk blend sock that I had on hand. He seemed happy with the trade and I'm hoping he will refrain from stealing anymore socks in the future. I will send the pair off the day after Christmas (as long as the post office is open).

All I Want For Christmas is........

Well I haven't knitted since Thanksgiving and I'm still having the pains in my arms and chest. So it has nothing to do with knitting and I'm going to start knitting again and hope that I can get my Christmas gift to my mom done and out to her within a couple of days. I was right when I thought that knitting actually was helping the pain go away because it's hurt worse since I stopped (the shoulder pain) meaning it's probably more of an arthritis then tendonitis. Ah, well. I'm going to knit up the Ice Queen head cover for my mom as well as another pair of socks in the deliciously soft RYC Cashsoft 4 ply. I picked up some beads yesterday and found a tutorial on a much easier way to do a provisional CO. I'm all set. I just need to get back into the grove. I gave up on the Cobweb Lace Shawl. I wondered how much she would really use it and it also seemed that the lace was just too complex for my ADD brain. I'd always get to the same row and then I'd start messing it up and having to start over again (5 times total). I have enough of the yarn to make her a whole set including socks, mittens and the headcover. I would still have enough left over to make myself a pair of socks (and I think I will).
We got our new car. I'm so excited. It's my Christmas gift. I was able to get a Kia Spectra (which is what I wanted) and we got a pretty good deal on it. It's even a 2009 so it hasn't even been born yet (ha ha ha). We've already put 1000 miles on the baby, but I'm happier that I don't have to worry about the thing breaking down for a few years. DH is scheduled for another surgery after the beginning of the year. Not to fix his ACL, but to do another clean out. His body produces too much scar tissue and it's interfering with movement. Not to mention causes pain. The doctor doesn't think that another surgery will do any good, but wants to give it another try along with giving him steroids and the like to keep the inflammation down this time around and seeing if that makes a difference. Most likely he'll be going in front of the med board and they will kick him out of the navy with a nice little disability package. Not something we had really planned on but we're rolling with the punches and rewriting our plans.
I go see the dermatologist next week to see if she can give me something stronger for the psoriasis. It's taking over my body (probably the cause of the pains in my arms and chest as well). I have little kids asking me what happened to my arms and legs. They are covered in spots and I look like I had chickenpox. It's getting insane.... not to mention the itching.
Really I don't care as long as it's not on my face. I may look like a leaper, but at least my face is still pretty. Only I'm starting to get a small bit on my face so that's why I'm headed to the doctor.
I finished reading the Twilight series. Yes, I too got sucked into it (ha ha ha). I'm always game for a good vampire story. I actually had never heard of it until I saw a preview for the movie online (no previews on TV here for the movie at all existed). The look they share when he saves her from the van was so intense I knew that I had to know the story going on there. I always check to see if a movie was made from a book before I go see it so that I can read the real story before seeing the movie. When I found out there were four books in the series and I didn't want to put it down after the first few sentences, then I knew I had stuck library gold. So I bought all four books and read them within three days. Then I went and saw the movie and must say that it was all awesome. Since the end of Harry Potter I've been looking for the next good thing. Only bad thing is that I read to darn fast and find myself done with a book within the same days that I get it (if it's good). I also recently picked up The Road. They're making a movie of it. I had to stop reading it though because the story is heart wrenching. Stories like that are good, but depressing and I can only take so much of it at a time. I can't watch Bambi and I skip over the part in the Lion King where Mufasa dies.
Can't wait for Christmas. I got all my shopping done early and I got everything the kids wanted except for one thing that I couldn't find. Last two Christmases we've had to get whatever we thought the kids might like because either we didn't know what they wanted or there wasn't anything left. They were very specific this year. Our son is usually specific so he's not hard to buy for, but our daughter is more difficult. I had to pointedly ask her what she wanted. She asked for art supplies more then toys. She's also getting an iPod. Just a shuffle. If she can show me that she can keep care of that then she might get upgraded next year to one with video.

Waiting and waiting....... and waiting

Our cars are broken. It will cost more to fix them then they are worth. Right now we are renting a car and waiting to hear back to see if we got approved to buy a new car (if we're going to throw away $500 a month then it should be on something we get to keep). We've been waiting for more then a week for the car place and the bank to tell us whether or not we have been approved. I called the car place today and he said that he had heard something, but he's busy right now and could I wait thirty minutes for him to call me back. Sure, I've only been waiting and dying to know. Not to mention they are holding our money ransom until we find something out. We gave $300 as a down payment (to reserve the car) and if we don't get the loan we get that money back. If we do get the loan then we get to turn in the rental and get about the same amount back. We've been living on only $300 for the past two weeks and would like the rest of our money back NOW thank you very much. After thirty minutes I called back and he said to give him five more minutes because he was with a customer. Could you at least tell me yes or no!!!! I'll be really POed if we were declined because he could have taken the 5 seconds to let me know that so I could drive up there and get my money back (and no it's not a scam..... this is a military business that we're buying a car through so it works a little differently then a car dealership out in town and is the cheapest option we have for a car at this point..... we got a lot of rebates and saved a load of money then if we bought out in town). Okay it's been five minutes. Please call me back already!!!
Anyways, so of all the places that you could get pneumonia, do you think that Guam would be the most likely..... where it's 86 degrees everyday? No? Well we have our cold and flu season too and germs are not picky as to the temperature outside as long as they can take residence in your body (ie being cold does not give you a cold and catching a chill does not make you get sick). My dear son got pneumonia and spent the weekend in the hospital. He was so pitiful. His poor little four year old self sat still both times they gave him an IV (his first one fell out). He cried and asked if they were done yet. He's better now and more animated then ever (thanks to his steroid).
Okay. We were declined. You couldn't have told me that earlier!!!! And I'm even more pissed because now he's saying that it'll take a few days to get our money back because we paid cash because they don't keep money in the office. Next time I'll be careful and ask very detailed questions before giving money. He made it out like would only take a day or two to hear back on whether or not we were approved and then he could get us our money back almost immediately. No turkey for Thanksgiving. Thank you.... thank you all. I so want to cry right now. And on top of everything else I have tendonitis in both of my shoulders as well as a strained muscle in my chest (which provokes a stabbing pain when I move a certain way) and cubital tunnel syndrome.... all from knitting so I've been told I can't knit for a few months. I have a Christmas deadline people. Joy to the freakin' world!!!!!!!!!

Tears of Sadness and Joy

My Grandpa passed away on Sunday night 28th of September. Yesterday I didn't know how to feel. I felt blank and found myself staring into space thinking of absolutely nothing. I went through a few hours of crying without knowing what I was crying for at first. By the end of the day I was still sad, but felt peaceful. We all knew that he was going to die. He told us before I left and came to Guam that he only had a year to live. That was almost two years ago. He also said that he was okay about it because he never expected to live past 80 (I think he was 83 when he passed) and that he was ready. I was sad when he told us and I think I did most of my mourning then. There were times when I wanted to feel like it wasn't fair, but in my mind I knew he had lived past life expectancy, he had a long adventurous life, he was sick and in pain and he just wanted to be with Grandma. I'm happy for him because I know that he's no longer in pain and doesn't have to struggle for air. He was surrounded by those that loved him and he was able to pass at home, where he wanted to, instead of a hospital. He knew he was loved and I was able to tell him what I wanted to say. Every time I think of him I see him laughing and I think it's because he's made it there where Grandma was waiting for him and he's happy.
I love you always

Pos or Neg, Pros and Cons

Well on top of the psoriasis I may also have lupus. A sucky disease to have, to be sure, but it would be an answer to the question that I've had for a little over five years now. I've had headaches, fatigue, itchy skin, bruising, gastrointestinal problems, muscle and joint pains and just general feeling like I'm coming down with the flu, over and over and over again. I had the blood tests taken last Friday and I'm waiting until Wednesday after Labor Day to call if I haven't heard anything. I'm kind of hoping it comes back negative, but kind of hoping it comes back positive. I went in on Friday thinking that I had the flu or maybe strep because my throat felt a little scratchy. The doctor looked at me, went to check something and came back saying she thought I might have lupus. My cheeks and nose were red like I had a sunburn and they felt hot, but I hadn't been outside in over a week, plus it had been raining and overcast for two weeks straight. I had only been outside long enough to walk to my car and then walk from the car into the doctor's office and I had sat in the air conditioning for more then twenty minutes before seeing her so I shouldn't have been hot, not to mention it was overcast outside. She brought another doctor in who said it also looked like a classic malar rash. I've been trying to convince myself since then that I just get hot easily. If it comes back negative I'm going to be upset because I'll be back at square one and not knowing what's wrong is frustrating. At this point it would almost be a relief to find out that I have lupus just so that I can know and they can give me something that might make me feel better. At least for a little while. I'm in my late twenties and I know that I shouldn't feel as run down and old as I feel. I should have energy and be enjoying life. I know I'm not depressed (I went ahead and ruled out mental things first because I had just had kids when all this started and wanted to make sure it wasn't postpartum depression or something like that). At first I was scared it might come back positive. I think I'm more scared now that it'll come back negative.
We recently found out that my son is allergic to guinea pigs, which is funny. We have two guinea pigs and he's scared of them, but I was holding one the other day and my son got on my lap. The guinea got in his face and within a few minutes my son had hives all around his lips and chin. I waited a few days and then took some shedded fur off of the guineas and rubbed it on his leg just to make sure it was the guineas and not something he ate and sure enough, within about two minutes he had hives breaking out in the exact spot. I gave him some Benadryl, washed his leg and put some hydrocortisone cream on his hives before sending him to bed. The hives were gone within twenty minutes. It's just crazy how fast he broke out. It's also a good thing that he's scared of them. As long as they don't give him any other problems I think it's okay to keep them as long as he doesn't come in contact with their fur, but once they kick the bucket we won't be getting anymore. My dreams of a guinea farm just went up in smoke ;-)
On the knitting front I finished three of my four projects for the Ravelympics. The darn Sweetheart Socks gave me trouble (as well as a week of near continuos sleep because it felt like I was coming down with the flu). I've now started on a sweater for my hubby. Or I should say I've started a sweater that I'm really probably going to wear more than him, but it's for him. My son wanted some "dark socks" that I've started as well. And I also have a pair of knee socks on needles to jazz up my daughter's school uniform. "Ruby" started school this last week and was really excited to be riding the bus this year. "Max" will be going to preschool and he can't wait. It starts this Friday, but he is bummed that he doesn't get to ride the bus. We keep reassuring him that he will next year.
Hubby had to go back to physical therapy for another round because he still can't bend his knee 90 degrees and is having pain. They may have to do exploratory surgery because he shouldn't be having pain at this point. On a funny note, his knee gave out as he was taking a bowl of Campfire stew out of the freezer (he was cooling it off for the kids) and it caused him to jerk and fling the stew all over the front of the refrigerator. We laughed for awhile about that one (or maybe I laughed and he gave me dirty looks..... I can't remember). I love my gimp.