I may actually begin to blog about knitting and not my health problems. I have a full body outbreak of psoriasis and in the process of educating myself and asking the doctor the right questions I found that psoriasis can cause several vitamin deficiencies. On April 8th I will be put on a biologic called Humira to clear the full body flare that I'm having and to help stave off the arthritis that has also been developing from the psoriasis. I'm glad that the doctor finally went to this step because I have had lots of spots covering my body since November. A few of my spots have been with me for more then four years which is a pretty good indicator that my body isn't planning on a remission anytime soon. About a month ago I started having very noticable joint pain in my fingers. I had joint pain in other places, but didn't think anything about it because I thought I was too young to have arthritis so it must be muscle pain. All my tendon and ligament problems are from the psoriasis as well.
Hopefully all that will disappear once I go on this medicine. I started taking a multivitamin a few weeks ago (before I found out about the vitamin deficiencies this past week) just so that I would be doing all I could heath wise to help my body out (in addition to eating right, exercising, drinking plenty of water...... something I actually suck at most days......, and getting enough sleep). About a week into taking them I got a burst of energy that I hadn't had in a long time. Gratefully that has stuck with me and has made life a bit better (fatigue was one of my chief complaints..... still have it, but not as bad as before..... at least now I can do things).
I had to settle on taking Benadryl for itching since the pill the doctor gave me knocks me out. I tried to see if I would get used to it, but got sick of feeling half drunk all the time. I was sleeping like a hibernating bear and couldn't drive (it felt very unsafe to do so). Sometimes I take it if things get really bad and it's Friday. That way I have the weekend to sleep and my hubby is home with the kids and can drive us around.
I feel very vindicated at this point. For so long I felt like there was something wrong with my body, but couldn't really pinpoint it. I had tried to explain the symptoms to doctors only to be looked at funny. So then I would take a step back and think "Maybe I just feel weird because I recently had a baby or maybe I'm just imagining things" and would go on with my life only to have the same cycle of symptoms hit me again. My mom has Crohn's which is an auto immune disease and I knew that my dad's brother has psoriasis, which is another auto immune disease and puts me in a prime position to have one myself (just my mom having one really ups my chance). They (auto immune diseases) also have vague symptoms that plague you and don't show up on tests given until you really have a flare. But they can damage your body for years before then and so I knew that if I had one that it needed to be found and dealt with so that it would do as little damage as possible (preventative measures). Not always possible, but worth trying. At least I know that I'm not crazy. My current doctor once told me that because I entertained the notion that it might all be in my head that it probably wasn't. She kept working with me until we found out what it was.
I can't wait to be me again. To feel like me again and not the run down, half living being that I've survived as for the past several years. I feel hope and happiness and I feel like I have something to look forward to because I'll have the health to actually live and not just exist. My mom once told me when she was real sick that she was tired of just existing. I now know what she meant. You live day to day waiting for a "good day" that never seems to come. That day when you'll have enough energy and feel good enough to go out and do something you enjoy. You keep waiting and waiting because that's all you have the energy for. I got some of that back and I look forward to getting it all back. In fact I'm TAKING it back, damnit!
